Really Into The Movie
by Manchester
Summary: Who hasn't already daydreamed of this?
1. Chapter 1

Faith desperately sprinted down the ancient Scots castle corridor towards her goal, the personal apartment of the New Council's other premium troubleshooter. Skidding to a stop in front in the door, Faith didn't bother with pounding onto this panel or even forcing it ajar. Every door in the building was specially reinforced now with Willow's magical spells against Slayer strength after the dozenth occasion some overpowered girl had gotten impatient and kicked it down before the person already inside could open the door in time.

Instead, Faith hesitated a moment before making her choice. There was either the usual door buzzer set into the outer wall edge at waist height, or what Xander Harris atypically installed just below, another buzzer but this one was a bright red color encircled by the warning words 'EMERGENCY ONLY!'

Put in there several months ago, this happened at the same time people started noticing Xander was consistently withdrawing alone to his apartment every Friday evening after dinner, from 8 to 10 p.m. like clockwork before going on the night shift.

Considering the main topic among most of the castle's younger occupants wasn't how to better protect the world from the yearly May apocalypse and other supernatural threats but rather the potential for some salacious gossip regarding the New Council's senior members, people soon began to wonder just what he was _doing_ in there. Especially since Xander never gave his reasons for this brief retreat, not that anyone with the least bit of good manners would've tried to pry in the first place.

Mmm, let's see… Teenagers and good manners? Now where would there possibly be a whole bunch of underage females with superhuman powers who had a tendency to take for granted they could do anything they wanted _and_ not get in trouble for it?

All too soon, a newbie Slayer got dared by her friends into trying to find out what big secret Mr. Harris was hiding. Emily Greenfield from Canada on her probationary period to gain the necessary experience to become a full Slayer waited until this young lady had what she thought to be a pretty decent enough excuse to bother Mr. Harris in the middle of his 'me' time. Hiding behind the corridor corner, several other girls were peeking around this to watch when a nervous Emily pressed the emergency buzzer around 8:30 p.m.

Nothing happened for about a minute or so, until the door abruptly opened to show Mr. Harris impatiently standing there. Except for this evident irritation, nothing seemed to be particularly out of the ordinary about him, even when Emily tried to look past this Sunnydale legend into the otherwise empty apartment.

"What is it?" came from Mr. Harris in an annoyed growl, quickly bringing Emily's chagrined attention back to him.

She just as hastily delivered her question about an unfamiliar demon her beginner Slayer squad came across during one of their training patrols in Toronto which managed to escape from them back then, wondering if Mr. Harris knew anything about it or how dangerous that creature might be. Since Emily had made up the entire story from whole cloth in the first place, all it did was to make Mr. Harris eye her with growing exasperation and inform the Slayer that no, he'd never heard of such a demon nor had met anything like that even during his own Hellmouth hometown adventures. If there wasn't anything else, next time don't disturb him unless it was a genuine emergency!

Once that was over with, a curt "Good night!" was done by Mr. Harris, who then decisively closed the door into Emily's face. Joining her puzzled friends, none of them could make head or tails of the entire odd situation, and it would've probably ended right there. Except…

The very next night, the regular castle grounds boundary patrol consisting of not just Emily herself assigned to it but somehow every single one of those other girls who'd also been part of disturbing Mr. Harris yesterday encountered an unknown miniature demon later described by the patrol as a cross between a rabbit, a cockroach, and one really freaky lizard. Acting on her Slayer instincts, Emily chopped this in two with the girl's sword when it leapt in a sudden vicious attack towards her.

Regrettably, that demon's abrupt demise was accompanied by then bursting into disgusting gobbets of slime which went flying far and wide to unerringly splatter onto all of the Slayers there. Adding further insult to injury, the slime smelled unbelievingly awful, on a par with a dead skunk suffering from serious bowel issues. Worse of all, that horrible odor was _persistent_.

No matter how hard they scrubbed or used whatever soaps on hand, these Slayers were forced by the rest of the adamant castle occupants to stay out of this building for a solid month until the aroma finally wore off. During that time, they had to live, eat, and sleep together in a drafty camping tent at the most remote training field possible. In February, with all the sort of truly ghastly weather that a Scottish winter could inflict upon them.

Mr. Harris, staying just within calling distance and holding his nose all the while, had been the one to initially give them this bad news. None of the glum victims thought anything of this until they finally got back into the castle and could check the library to find exactly what demon was responsible for their recent misfortune.

Imagine this group's horror at finding out that little monster was utterly alien to their location. The only place where it could be found was in Africa, as a matter of fact. To be more specific, at some very remote spots where Mr. Harris had visited over a decade ago at the start of his New Council troubleshooter duties after Sunnydale's collapse…

After that, _nobody_ disturbed Xander on his Friday nights. Ever.

Until now, when Faith had no other choice. Stabbing a finger onto the emergency buzzer, the dark Slayer waited with increasing urgency for him to open the fuckin' door—

In a blur, that exact thing occurred, along with Xan from inside his place seemingly about to yell at her. Only, Faith got in first, shouting into his face, "We got a major incursion at Glasgow! Both teams there are holding the line, but people awready been hurt! Get yer butt in gear and let's go kill some asshole demons…"

Trailing off to gawk at what she'd just managed to process, Faith watched Xan inside his apartment reach down at the floor by the door and then haul up from there by its strap the backup warbag he kept for such supernatural crises. Pushing past a stunned Faith, Xander threw over his shoulder an insistent demand while breaking into his own run, "C'mon, Faith, what's keeping you?"

Feeling a peculiar smile twist her lips, Faith allowed a short snigger to pass under her breath, along with, "Oh, this is gonna be good."

Even so, she still caught up and passed Xan in the castle corridor with a burst of Slayer speed, noticing something more along the way which really brightened her already amused mood.

Several hours later after winning yet again another demonic battle, a very tired Xander and Faith in their disheveled clothes after the usual rough day at the office appeared in the castle's teleportation circle in the basement room used for this New Council means of speedy transportation.

Deciding that she might as well as let him in on the joke now, Faith waved towards the full-length mirror set into the basement wall just in case some vampire actually managed to sneak in the castle. "Yo, Xan, might be a good idea to clean up a bit first. Don't wanna traumatize the kiddies, see?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Xander said, directing a baffled gaze at where Faith had just doubled over with loud laughter.

That Slayer still bent down and holding her ribs in unstoppable hilarity just shook her head in between her constant bout of giggles. Now beginning to really worry, Xander went towards to the mirror—

"Oh, come _on!_ " he groused, scrubbing at the numerous bright red lipstick marks on the skin there showing where he'd been thoroughly kissed all over his face. Now starting to understand the incredulous looks he'd been receiving from everyone else during the fracas earlier, Xander got ready to let Faith have it, until she lifted a finger for an indication of even more bad news.

Following with a worried gaze how Faith then pointed with this finger at his pants crotch, Xander yelled, "GODDAMMIT, YOU COULDN'T HAVE SAID SOMETHING?!" while speedily zipping up his open fly.

"Nah," Faith smirked at an incandescent Xan. "Man becomes a legend, you don't get in the way during this."

Now about to totally lose his temper, Xander was interrupted in this by Faith abruptly getting right into his face and doing a really big sniff off him.

This was followed by her stepping back and then drawling, "'Kay, ain't no mistakin' the reek ya got now, nothin' less than Eau de Bow Chicka Wow Wow. 'Cept I know fer sure ya was alone in yer crib when I got ya outta there. So…what's the what, like B woulda say?"

Xander Harris just glared silently at Faith Lehane for a full thirty seconds. Instead of breaking under his furious stare, she just playfully waited for him to say something or even storm off in a serious huff. Sensing this, Xander finally threw up his hands in evident surrender.

"Fine, I'll show you, but you've got to promise to keep it a secret like Wils did."

Faith had an interested expression flash over her face. "Yeah? Red awready knows, whatever it is?"

Shrugging, Xander said, "There's no way I could avoid telling her. Let's go up to my place and I'll explain."

Deciding for once not to squeeze that straight line for every possible double entendre she could get, Faith amiably followed along after Boytoy, eager to find out what was going on now. Like she'd thought before, this couldn't be anything but good, considering how Xan got into the wackiest situations without even trying.

Soon afterwards, Xander firmly closed his apartment door after them both. He asked a distracted Faith trying to find again with her heightened senses if there was actually someone else of the female persuasion in here with them but having no luck at all, "You want a beer?"

"Huh?" blinked Faith. "Yeah, sure."

Things started going really weird when instead of Xan heading towards his en-suite kitchen with its attached refrigerator, he strode over to the entertainment nook in one corner. Faith watching this was sidetracked by at last noticing how obsolescent his whole tv setup was.

Hell, he had not only a really outdated fake wood-paneled, floor-mounted television console the size of one of the Stonehenge monoliths with an actual cathode ray tube gizmo inside instead of a honest flat screen or something even more advanced, there was nothing less atop this than what Faith could barely remember as an authentic videocassette recorder/player straight outta the 'eighties hooked up to that old tv. Not to mention a whole shelf of VHS tapes in their dust jackets, 'bout thirty or so…

Xander turned on the television (by hand, of course) and next did the same thing with the VCR. An image flickered onto life at the screen at the same time Faith opened her mouth to impatiently ask about the damn drink—

To the accompaniment of tinny dive bar music, a sexy waitress in hot pants and a halter top carrying two longneck bottles of beer balanced on a tray walked across the screen. Hitting the proper button on the VCR, Xander paused the videotape, freezing the scene.

What happened next completely staggered Faith, even with her years of familiarity with supernatural stuff. Xander extended his hand towards the television's front glass screen…and then this man's fingers impossibly _sank_ into the normally impenetrable clear substance.

Continuing to reach further in, Xander grabbed one of the beer bottles off the waitress's tray and then pulled his arm all the way out of the television without any evident harm…plus bringing along the beer!

With a very pleased grin on his face, Xander turned and offered the longneck bottle to Faith, who numbly accepted this definitely solid object, chilly and covered with condensation instead of being a bunch of intangible electrons. Tentatively popping off the bottle top with a quick tug of her fingers, Faith brought up the beer to her mouth and took a test swallow.

Her eyes widening with shock, Faith felt an explosion of flavorsome hops throughout this Slayer's mouth which then satisfyingly trickled down her throat to make itself comfortable in Faith's stomach.

She gaped at a still-smirking Xander, to manage in a husky voice, "Jesus, Xan, I never tasted anythin' like this before—"

"Yeah, it's what you think beer's like as a kid from the movies before you actually have it in real life," chuckled Xander. "But wait, there's more."

Faith had been finishing off the bottle, savoring the rest of the utterly delicious liquid, so she couldn't ask what he meant. This young woman instead watched in confusion while Xander placed his right palm flat out upon the television screen…and then vanished.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Faith yelped, wildly looking around at the apartment now empty save for herself.

Her frantic glance swept across the outdated television, to then zoom back in total bogglement and fix her confounded stare at where none other than Xander Harris was now waving at Faith from _inside_ the paused VHS movie displayed there!

Faith looked at her empty bottle.

Next, back to the tv screen where Xan was holding up his right hand and pointing at this with his other index finger, to then mime placing their flattened palm against something. It was easy enough to guess what he wanted.

Just to complete the cliché, Faith looked at the finished beer again.

Groaning under her breath at her damn weakness over being unable to refuse a dare of any kind, Faith shifted the bottle to her other hand and warily approached the television. She bent over to press a cautious hand at the same place where someone who'd better have one damn good story had disappeared into thin air.

In the very next second, Faith found herself transported out of Xan's apartment into standing next to a man laughing his fool head off at her evident astonishment. Giving him a well-deserved dirty look, Faith then glanced around at their location, a honky-tonk of some kind.

All the usual features of these sorts of disreputable roadside taverns were present: the large main area filled by tables and chairs scattered throughout under a metal roof held up by wooden pillars and rafters of the same construction, a side room with pool tables, a chicken-wire enclosure to protect the house band from thrown objects if their playing sucked, and lastly the bar counter where all the drinks were served. Overhead lamps and neon signs placed onto the walls advertising various alcoholic products provided fairly adequate, if a bit dim, illumination.

Everything looked quite familiar to Faith, if only because she'd spent lots of time at places like these in her demon-hunting travels around the USA, usually somewhere in the South. Though, something niggled in her brain that this joint was actually a bit more recognizable if she could just remember it. The reason why Faith couldn't give more attention to that puzzlement was that she was staring in growing disbelief at the honky-tonk's occupants.

Again, they were the usual type of customers that Faith knew damn well from drinking, fighting, and sleeping with them. Blue-collar guys and gals, dressed in jeans, leather jackets, t-shirts with their favorite bands displayed there, plus a wide range of baseball caps also with the logos of sports teams or farm equipment companies also presented on this hatwear.

Faith wasn't particularly surprised by the vintage big hair exhibited by both sexes, either. Mullets and beehive hairdos would naturally survive in the sole remaining human environment zone where nobody would bat an eye at a gravity-defying coiffure which in addition appeared to be bulletproof even by a discharged shotgun at close range.

What really made Faith flabbergasted about the whole crowd around her and Xan was that they were all…frozen. Like everyone but them were some kinda department store mannequins dressed up and placed in their usual positions at the tables and walking around, except they were all petrified.

For example, the waitress from which Xan had taken the beer bottle Faith was still holding was apparently balancing on one foot while otherwise standing immobile in the middle of her job tonight, looking like a statue forever caught in taking a step forward.

Looking over at the bar, Faith further boggled at the unmoving bartender caught in the act of pouring a drink into a shot glass. The dark liquid was held perfectly still in its path from the bottle top to the small container.

Turning back to Xan snickering at her, Faith growled, "Awright, fun's fun, but yer better start talkin' or I'm gonna do somethin' nasty to you with this!"

At those last threatening words, Faith brandished the empty beer bottle into Xander's general direction.

He just grinned, knowing Faith well enough when not to take her seriously.

Nonetheless, Xander nodded, "Yeah, okay, let's grab a table and I'll spill."

Looking around, Xander spotted the nearest free table. Strolling over to there, Xander calmly took the closest chair while Faith occupied the one across the table.

She watched him lift up a finger and announce to nobody in particular, "Pause ends in three, two, one!"

In an abrupt burst of noise and movement, the honky-tonk came to life.

People began talking, arguing, dancing, and judging the clatter of balls smashing against each other, making their break at the pool tables. The house band commenced performing the usual county-western music, though they played a lot better than was usually heard in dives like here.

As for the waitress, she did a double-take at how a beer had just mysteriously disappeared from her tray and headed back to the bar to get a replacement for this missing bottle.

Faith blinked at how another waitress previously unnoticed until now showed up with a large rectangular wood plate filled with a whole rack of juicy barbecued ribs to slide this onto the table in front of the Slayer. Her job done, the waitress hurried off to pick up and deliver another order, leaving Faith speechless at this unanticipated gift of grub.

She stared across the table at Xan smirking again, hearing him say over the music, "Feeling hungry, Faith? Go ahead, give it a try. Food here tastes really good, the same way your beer did."

Looking down at the ribs, Faith's stomach rumbled. The woman cautiously picked up the rack of ribs at both ends with her hands and lifted it up to her nose, giving it a tentative sniff. It smelled delicious, so she tried a nibble.

Once again, the scrumptious flavor was beyond anything Faith ever had before. Turning into full Slayer mode, Faith opened wide her mouth and fell onto the food like the supreme predator she was.

Xander later swore the resulting spray of barbecue sauce splashed upwards all the way to the ceiling rafters.

It didn't take long for every rib to be scoured bare of flesh to the very bone, so Faith's companion finally started his story.

"I found them at a yard sale in Cleveland."

Too busy to talk while picking at her teeth with a thumbnail, Faith merely lifted a quizzical eyebrow.

Xander shrugged, "It was a few weeks before I moved to the castle from the Slayers House there. I was doing my morning run, and one of the houses on the street had all kinds of boxed stuff for sale on the front lawn. Going past, my attention was caught by one of the boxes. It had a lot of VHS tapes in there, and the top one was called _Battle of the Network Stars_. It was the 1976 version with Lynda Carter in her swimsuit—"

Faith rolled her eyes, causing Xander to break off and scowl at her. He indignantly continued, "Hey, I'd been looking for it for years!"

Taking a grumpy breath at the sight of Faith's own instant, sarcastic smirk, Xander demanded, "You want to hear about it or not?"

Waving a nonchalant hand in permission, Faith listened to Xan further explain, "The guy selling his stuff said he wanted to get rid of everything right away, so the only way I'd get the tape I wanted was if I took it all: the other tapes, the VCR, _and_ the tv set, no less, also there on the lawn. To be fair, all he asked for the whole bunch of crappy junk was a lousy fifty bucks. I figured for such a sweet deal it was worth the trouble of going back to the Slayers House, using one of the vans to collect everything, and then getting rid of the outdated electronics at the local recycler."

A mystified Faith spoke for the first time, "Hey, ya mean the cheap-ass tv in yer place? _That's_ where ya found it?"

Sighing, Xander told Faith, "It's not like I really intended to. I grabbed one of the house's Slayers – Melinda Barnes, I think – to do the heavy lifting, but when we got back with the van loaded up, it was right in the middle of the commotion we ended up calling the Purtaugh demon attacks."

"Oh, yeah," Faith frowned. "Those ones who threw 'round alla them rocks with the bad luck curses?"

Xander nodded, "Don't forget the stray teleportation spells, too. By the time we collected everybody who'd been hit by them, it was a week later and I'd been forced to travel through most of the Midwest. So, you can't blame me for it never crossing my mind about where I'd left our van with the tapes and the rest of it in the garage. A couple days later, Giles unexpectedly transferred me to our headquarters. In all the hurry, I just told the Cleveland house staff to ship my personal effects to my new apartment at the castle. Imagine my surprise when the next day I went in there and found everything hooked up and waiting for me, including a tape already in the player."

"What's so bad 'bout that?" a confused Faith wanted to know.

Xander simply looked at Faith. "Later on, with good reason, I grilled everyone here who might've done it. They all swore they never touched anything."

"Uh-oh."

Lifting his remaining eye upwards in exasperated agreement, Xander grimaced, "You can say that again. Unfortunately, I didn't know this at the time, so I turned everything on to check if they were working properly. It did, the player and the tv, but when the tape was running, I thought the tv screen was a little dusty, so I started to brush this away. You can guess what happened then."

Faith looked around at their honky-tonk location the two of them had recently landed in. She frowned a little in the sudden anxious thought which had just occurred to the Slayer.

"Say, just how do ya get outta here anyways? Do ya haveta wait 'til the tape finishes?"

"No, thank Murphy," answered Xander, wincing a bit at a clearly painful memory. "All you've got to do is to think of my apartment and you get delivered there right away."

Hastily going on before Faith tried this, he warned her, "When you're standing up, that is! If you do it while sitting down, you land real hard on your ass on the floor."

Grinning at the amusing mental picture this invoked which obviously had happened to Boytoy, Faith acknowledged, "Gotcha. Ya went to Red right away, didn'tcha?"

Relaxing in his chair a trifle at seeing Faith wasn't about to experiment, Xander nodded once more.

"Wils checked it out from top to bottom, and she confirmed the whole combo was somebody's magical invention. Got a little jealous, too. Apparently, it's masterpiece work of the neutral mojo sort, way advanced in her bibbitybobbity-boo field. Right now, there's no chance Wils can copy it or understand it more without taking apart the entire arrangement, which I instantly nixed after she couldn't guarantee it'd work again after that. She still set up the emergency buzzer for me, though."

Patting her filled stomach with that damn fine chow in there, Faith agreed. She still wanted to know, "Is it safe? I mean, offhand, what if there's a power failure or somethin' else, like the tape breakin'? What happens to us inside the movie?"

Xander shook his head. "Oh, there's no chance of this. Wils says it's got some really good protections put on everything for the user. Stuff goes wrong, you're automatically sent back to the apartment or wherever the tv set is. Best of all, there's no bad magical price to pay for using it, losing your soul, that kind of thing. Whoever whipped it up, all they intended was for the visitor to enjoy their visit to the VHS movie or tv show they picked."

He began to count off on his fingers. "There's some rules, though. One, only the specific tapes that were in the box I bought will work that way. Nothing happens with different VHS tapes, or putting the bought tapes in a different player. Same goes for a different tv. Second, you can only stay in the tape for the full running time however long that is. You can enter or leave when you want, but the most you can be in the movie is about ninety minutes to two hours… _What?!_ "

That last snapped interjection from an annoyed Xander was due to Faith breaking into uproarious laughter for seemingly no reason at all.

When she finally calmed down a bit, he received from her a giggled, "Yeah, I heard from Red, B, and even Dawnie after hangin' 'round yer ex Anya that ya had serious stamina in bed with that vengeance bitch. Guess this happened way after I broke ya in back at Sunnyhell, 'cuz I remember really different while poppin' yer cherry. So, which porn star are ya boinkin'?"

Xander shot Faith a disgusted look, accompanied by a curt, "I'm not. There weren't any porn tapes in the box."

Faith incredulously straightened up in her chair to demand from him, "That didn't set yer alarm bells ringin' right off? Back then, ever'body bought a VCR to watch porn at home!"

Xander had to admit Faith had a point.

He still reminded her, "It was just a completely ordinary yard sale in the suburbs. Kids could've been there, little old ladies too. Not exactly the best time to sell your well-worn copy of _Debbie Does Dallas_."

"Huh," Faith accepted, scratching her chin in thought. "What 'bout the guy ya bought the stuff from? Get any pings offa him with yer Sunnyhell radar?"

Appearing a bit sheepish, Xander confessed, "Not then, but when Wils checked out that place, she found signs of leftover magical evidence indicating a practioner of some sort had been living there. Nothing else that could've helped in locating whoever was there before, because in between our visits, he'd managed to completely cover his tracks. Believe me, Wils looked. She really wanted to meet the dude who could invent something like this," he finished, waving a hand around at the honky-tonk they were occupying.

Faith followed his gesture, eyeing their surroundings with more than a touch of bemusement.

She couldn't help saying, "Yeah, it's an okay place, but I still don't see why ya been hangin' out here so much. If all ya do is to come for a free feed, that don't explain yer smellin' like serious fun an' games with some gal—"

At that point, a well-stacked blonde in a pink, clinging dress came up from behind Xander, stopping at the back of his chair to rest her awesome bosom upon the top of his head.

This pneumatic stranger then cooed downwards at Xander while massaging his shoulders, "Honey, when you're finished talking with your friend, let's go back to bed."

This blonde with classic 80's feathered hair then sent Faith an extremely bawdy wink. "If she wants, I don't mind her joining us."

After delivering that extraordinary offer, the strange woman next sashayed off towards the bar, leaving in her wake an embarrassed Xander and Faith roaring with loud mirth in her chair.

In between her laughter, Faith choked out, "Lemme guess… What we got here's some kinda Star Trek holodeck deal an' yer the only one with the cheat codes."

Xander momentarily boggled at a still-snickering Faith, eventually managing, "Have you been hanging around Andrew too much lately? That's the exact same geekastic explanation Wils and me came up with!"

"What else could it be?" Faith shrugged, leering good-naturedly at Xan. "Don't every guy wanna get his hot little hands on somethin' like that?"

She paused at what'd just occurred to her, posing another question. "Are _alla_ them tapes the same way?"

Now that Faith seemed to be taking in stride this new development with nothing more than evident enjoyment, Xander allowed himself a slow, wicked grin.

"So far, pretty much. Again, you can't change the basic setting, but beyond that, just about anything goes if you can imagine it."

"Whatcha mean?"

Answering Faith, Xander started off with, "Well, for example, there's the provided videotape of the original _Halloween_ movie from 1978, with Jamie Lee Curtis as the heroine and Michael Myers as the masked slasher character. Stuff like that stays the same, but you know what? Apart from being basically unkillable, Mikey-boy isn't all that tough compared to the usual vamps and demons we go up against. You can still have a lot of fun with him. The last time I went into there, Mr. Myers wound up getting a car parked on his balls."

He waggled his eyebrows lecherously at a once-more chortling Faith. "Laurie Strode and her friends were _really_ grateful for their rescue."

"Damn!" Faith managed when she calmed down a little. "Wouldn't mind givin' it a try."

Xander amiably shrugged, "So what's stopping you? Go ahead."

She blinked at him across the table. "Huh? Ya mean I can do it, foolin' 'round with the movie?"

Faith glanced around in confusion.

"Which one is it, anyways?"

Sending her a quizzical stare, Xander said, "I thought you already knew. The so-bad-it's-hilarious action flick from 1989 called—"

Faith interrupted her companion with a hissed realization, " _Road House_."

Xander opened his mouth to indicate assent, only to abruptly halt at the intense look of absolute concentration now on Faith's face. The man had a quick recognition of pure danger that if he bothered this Slayer in any way for the next couple of seconds, she'd put him in full-body traction. At the very least.

From out of the honky-tonk crowd soon sauntered another man, moving with a dancer's grace. Sliding into one of the other unoccupied chairs at their table, Patrick Swayze as his martial arts bouncer character of Dalton smiled sexily at Faith.

"Hello, pretty lady."

Keeping her gaze locked directly into the dreamy eyes of one of her girlhood film fantasies of some decent guy that'd treat her right who also had one damn fine ass, Faith said without looking over at Xander, "How much longer we got here?"

Biting his tongue to keep from expressing his earthy glee that'd surely get his head shoved through their table, Xander checked his watch. "An hour, tops."

"Guess that'll haveta do," husked Faith, arising from her chair.

Dalton did the same, watching Faith with smoky desire.

For this, she gifted him with a purr of, "Mister, I'm gonna _hurt_ ya, but in a good way."

"Always up for that, darlin'."

Grabbing his hand for him to lead them to wherever they'd soon get thoroughly acquainted with each other for the next sixty minutes or thereabouts, Faith even so took the time to ask Xander giving the departing pair his best shit-eating grin, "Say, Xan, did Red ever say which movie she went inta fer fun an' games?"

Leaning back in his chair to wait for Denise to come over and give him another lap dance, Xander chuckled, "Oh, you bet. _American Pie_ , the first one, but this time it was the girls who lost their virginities when she seduced all of them. Even Michelle stopped talking about band camp after that."

* * *

Disclaimer: The films mentioned above of _Road House_ , _Halloween_ , and _American Pie_ are all the property of their rightful owners.


	2. Chapter 2

During Xan's inspection of the VHS tapes on their shelf, Faith mentioned casually, "Heard today we're doin' each other hard an' nasty."

Smirking, Xander turned to Faith sprawled out on the couch in front of the outdated television set that'd been the latest thing a couple of decades ago. "That was fast. It's only been a week since we started going together into my magic VCR for good times. Who's spreading it, the rumor?"

"Nobody in particular," Faith shrugged. "Overheard some baby Slayer in the cafeteria giggling 'bout it with her friends."

Xander raised his left eyebrow over his patch in mild curiosity. "Um…you don't mind?"

Faith did a perfect deadpan imitation of Xander with _her_ own left eyebrow. "Do ya?"

Holding up both hands palms out in a quick gesture of surrender, Xander said just as hastily, "Listen, Faith, I don't want to screw this up by saying something dumb. I like things the way they are now, us having fun in those movies and tv shows we visit. If you want that to change, maybe we should talk about it—"

Xander abruptly stopped speaking at Faith's sudden outburst of hilarity, laughing at the top of her lungs which only continued at the man's dirty look sent towards his guest tonight in the New Council castle apartment.

Eventually, she calmed down a bit though Faith still had a quite sardonic smile on her face when this Slayer assured him, "Aw, relax, Xan. We're good, see? Just thought ya'd find it wicked funny like I did. Gotta say, we ever get serious, either of us, yer right. Best idea is to lay it out right from the start insteada actin' like the kids we were back at Sunnyhell."

Xander nodded in obvious relief. "Yeah, thanks for clearing that up."

"No prob," Faith cheerfully waved that aside. "So, it's yer turn to pick. Where are we gonna go now for some down an' dirty action?"

Gladly turning back to the videotape shelf, Xander scanned the titles in their boxes with colorful art and picture displays upon the covers. There were no obvious signs that these movies in a very obsolete entertainment format had been somehow enchanted by an anonymous mage or other wizard which allowed Xander and Faith to enter into these films and basically do whatever — and _whoever_ — they wanted in there.

So far, this pair of Hellmouth veterans had worked their way through about a third of the videotapes, leaving them a good many more chances to have a great time that usually involved quick undressing and an enjoyable leap into the nearest available bed with their newest sexual partner.

Running his gaze along the spines of the unvisited videotapes giving the various movie titles, Xander spotted one very particular film which made him instantly develop an extremely evil grin. Reaching out to remove that tape from the shelf, Xander spun around to proudly present it to Faith.

Who, in her case, just as promptly objected, "That's a goddamn G-rated flick! What the hell are ya thinkin'?"

Xander just waggled the tape while a supremely lecherous expression presented itself upon his face.

Rolling her eyes, Faith jeered, "Yeah, figures. Never knew ya had a yen fer the straitlaced ladies, Xan. From what I remember, she don't even show her legs any time in those old fashioned floor-length dresses!"

"Well, like you said, it's my turn," Xander reminded Faith. "I always thought she was hot, okay?"

Sending Xan her best fisheye, Faith still demanded from him, "Goody fer ya, but what 'bout me? Offhand, there's a definite lack of prime beef in that kiddie pic 'cept for alla them waiters…an' I don't _do_ animals!"

Xander paused for a moment in trying to get what Faith was talking about.

He soon snickered in reaction at finally identifying the scene she'd just mentioned. "No! There's another dance number you'd probably really like. Look, just let me show you. If you still say no, fine, we leave. I'll pick another tape, or we can go again into one we've already been."

Faith thought that over, eventually grudging, "Ah, what the hell. Let's see the damn movie."

Happily getting to work at Faith's permission, Xander turned on the videocassette recorder attached to the television, which were just as magical as the videotape itself he inserted into the VCR.

At Xan's expectant look, Faith grumpily got up from the couch and went over to join him in touching the television's front glass screen. The instant the videotape began playing, both of the New Council troubleshooters vanished from the media room to begin their latest carnal exploit.

* * *

About an hour later, two people reappeared back in Xander's apartment.

For the male of the duo, Xander just stood there, blissfully staring ahead into the distance. He'd obviously had a very nice time, judging by his air of complete relaxation and the scrap of lace poking out from one pants pocket where he'd stuffed a souvenir set of someone's knickers.

And as for Faith…

"Daaayyyyaaaaammmnnn."

Glancing over, Xander guffawed, "C'mon, just say I'm the master!"

That earned Xander the finger, though Faith was smiling with utmost satisfaction as she did this, white teeth gleaming through the heavy layer of soot covering every inch of her exposed skin and also coating the Slayer's entire clothes, including her shoes.

Looking Faith up and down in barely restrained amusement, Xander suggested, "You want to use my shower?"

"Nope," Faith shook her head, causing black particulates to drift off from there and fall to the floor. "I'll take one at the gym."

Xander was rather taken aback by hearing that.

He carefully pointed out, "Um, why would you want to walk all the way to the other side of the castle to clean up there instead of here?"

The Slayer's teeth shone again with absolute delight in all their pristine glory.

"'Cuz I really wanna hear what kinda story the newbies come up with to explain _this!_ No way are they ever gonna guess right that while ya were boinkin' Mary Poppins, I wore out to a nub that Bert fella and the resta them chimney sweeps! Didn't hurt either that I stuffed his scarf down the guy's throat before we got started so I never hadda listen to that totally stupid Cockney accent!"

* * *

Disclaimer: I own nothing. All Buffy the Vampire Slayer characters and the mentioned characters from 1964 Disney film _Mary Poppins_ are the property of their rightful owners.


	3. Chapter 3

Faith, of course, timed it perfectly. They'd just finished a companionable dinner together in the dining hall of the New Council's castle headquarters. On their way out of the room, Faith was all too aware of the looks of incredulous envy still being sent after her, just like these same suspicious expressions had been directed towards the Slayer throughout the entire meal. Not to mention someone else, by the by.

There were several good reasons the rest of the Slayers and other female staff also at dinner had been switching their disbelieving gazes back and forth between Faith and Xander sitting next to each other at their separate table. It wasn't just how a very smug young woman chowing down among them was perfectly projecting an implicit air of * _Yeah, y'all, I had me some lately and it was damn fine, if ya wanna know._ *

Nope, there was something else making the other females there having a really hard time buying what must've happened not all that long ago concerning these New Council troubleshooters. Recognizing this while inwardly glorying in the chance for some more choice mischief, Faith gleefully waited until she and Xan were walking side by side and about to step out past the hall's open double doors.

Giving him a jovial nudge in the ribs with her elbow (with only enough careful force to get her friend's attention instead of sending him staggering away up against the corridor wall), Faith casually told Xander pausing in his tracks and turning in mild surprise to face the Slayer to see what she wanted now, "Hey, Xan, betcha somebody there's soon gonna work up the nerve to ask ya for the same thing what ya did earlier."

A jerk backwards of her head at the abruptly hushed crowd of other superhuman ladies in the dining hall quite capable of hearing Faith even if she'd just whispered that clearly indicated who the Boston native was talking about. Continuing with earnest nonchalance into Xander's turning-quizzical mien, Faith next said, "I just wanna say, go 'head, have fun! Not that ya could ever top this, but feel free, anyways."

Meeting Xander's dumbfounded look with her best wicked smirk, Faith then watched how he suddenly got it. Mouth falling open to gape at Faith, Xander equally quickly clamped shut his lips to sent a panicky look over Faith's shoulder at…where a whole bunch of girls were presently regarding him in turn with far too many thoughtful squints.

His sole remaining eye bulged in its socket, and Xander clapped a palm over his lower face that the cheeks there swelled out as if he was about to yell at the top of his lungs through his fingers. Instead, Xander spun around, and began walking briskly down the corridor. A few steps further on, that walk turned into a determined run, with both of Xander's pressing hands now holding back his muffled babbling.

Faith sent a last sweeping sinful grin around at the fascinated audience in the dining hall, and then followed after Xander in her own Slayer lope which effortlessly caught up with and went past him to where he was heading.

Reaching Xander's apartment in the residential section of the castle, Faith opened the door and politely stepped aside for him to dash through the doorway into the living room. Sauntering after him, Faith pushed shut the door without even looking behind, to instead watch with interest at how Boytoy dropped onto his knees to skid along the floor, stopping in front of the couch there to slam down his face against the nearest cushion and start vigorously pounding with a clenched fist against the other cushion.

In between Xan's stifled howls of uproarious laughter, Faith strolled over to the large mirror set upon the opposite wall which allowed the apartment's resident to make a surreptitious check of the reflection of the latest caller outside in the hallway. Even though it was truly unlikely any vampire could get inside the castle through Willow's most powerful magical wards, nobody who'd survived Sunnydale wanted to risk it, despite how a certain redheaded witch did a little bit of grouchy sulking over everyone's excessive caution.

Faith, however, now used the mirror for its original purpose, admiring once again how stunning her newest hairstyle was. All her life she'd never really paid attention about her hair, just doing the basics about keeping it clean and brushed, much less letting some fancy-pants stylist sneer at the street kid from Southie with no money to afford anything better.

Patting with genuine appreciation the expertly-shaped locks which turned her normal pretty face into true beauty, a delighted Faith giggled under her breath, "Fuckin' A, that Beverly Hills hairdresser was even better with his hands usin' a comb and scissors, than he was with 'em in bed! Didn't hurt none at all Warren Beatty played him either, nuh-uh—"

"YOU!"

Glancing over her shoulder at where Xander blinking away tears of actual mirth from his sole eye had just straightened up to point an indignant finger at Faith, she complacently heard him repeat in his best mock snarl, "You evil, evil woman!"

"Ya betcha," Faith just leered at Xander who definitely wasn't all that mad, "I'm one evil, evil woman who's got the most bitchin' hair in the whole damn castle!"

Spinning around on his knees to sit down on the apartment floor, back pressed against the couch's lower part, Xander wiped at his face. He then sent an inquisitive upraised eyebrow at where Faith was again contently examining her reflection.

"I didn't even know you were going to get your hair done when we went into the _Shampoo_ videotape. All I thought when you went off to Sunset Boulevard was that what's-his-name, George Roundy, was about to be some really lucky bastard even if he was nailing just about every other woman in LA. Then, you showed up here right before dinner and we went to eat before I could say anything except you looked nice."

Faith merely shrugged, leaning forward closer to the mirror and adjusting a stray strand of hair. "Wasn't even thinkin' 'bout it, 'cept he offered for free once he got his breath back. Mighta have somethin' to do with me rockin' his world, or maybe what I suggested after. Insteada him just talkin' to that tight-ass banker that turned down his loan in the movie, he shoulda demonstrate right then and there how good he was, doin' the hair of the bank's secretaries, tellers, whatever."

Xander had to think about this. "Huh. That's a pretty interesting question. Can we change things in the movies for the characters after we leave?" A sudden frown crossed Xander's face once he finished saying this.

"What's up?" asked Faith, catching sight in the mirror of that dubious expression by Xan.

Waving a hand in a 'who knows?" gesture, Xander had to admit, "If that's the case — it turns out different because of us — then I better pass up going again into _Shampoo,_ just to be on the safe side."

Turning around to stare in puzzlement at Xander now looking rather chagrined, Faith remarked, "Why? I thought you was gonna bang that Laugh-In lady there."

Xander's sheepish expression deepened even further, "Yeah, Goldie Hawn, but…um…I took a side trip first. Because of that, I don't think it's a good idea to find out the hard way that the Beverly Hills police have an all-points bulletin on some lunatic running around their upper-crust town."

Faith paused to go over in her head the plot of a 1975 American satirical comedy-drama film, only to abruptly glower at that idiot still sitting on his butt in front of a piece of furniture and refusing to meet her eyes.

"You sneaked off to meet that rich gal Carrie Fisher was playin', didn't ya?"

Xander Harris attempted to regain some dignity by pompously informing Faith Lehane now shaking her head in real exasperation, "Hey, all I wanted was five seconds for her to say, 'Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope,' and then I would've left perfectly happy for Lorna Karpf to go back to her tennis lesson! Instead, she chased me off the place, swinging her racket at me like I'm some bad guy!"

"Only you, Xan. Only you."


	4. Chapter 4

"Ummm…move it a li'l scootch to the left," Faith ordered from where she was sprawled onto her back atop the bed, clasped hands cradling the rear of the Slayer's head against the pillow.

"What the frak's a scootch?" grumbled Xander. He nonetheless did as he'd been told, giving the display case now attached to the bedroom wall a minor nudge into the proper direction.

"Yeah, that's it."

Xander backed up a few steps, examining the vertical rectangle of a wood frame and a front glass panel holding its contents ready for viewing. The man inwardly admitted Faith had nailed the perfect alignment of the case upon the wall.

A very gratified Xander kept on walking backwards until this New Council troubleshooter's knees met the edge of his bed and then let himself collapse in reverse onto there, bouncing gently upon the mattress. Unconsciously imitating Faith by also putting the palms of his hands under his skull, Xander proudly remembered how he'd acquired his latest souvenir of their regular trips into what was nothing else but a magical VCR.

In his contemplation, Xander missed how Faith was giving him a rather odd look at the man lying by her right leg. She switched her gaze to where Xan was ogling his latest keepsake, and then surveyed the other display cases mounted against the bedroom walls.

Counting the latest addition, there were now at least a dozen…all of them filled with various examples of ladies' lingerie or other garments which were mementos of Xander's wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am encounters from assorted films that some unknown weirdo wizard set up a way for Faith and Xan to drop inside there and have lots of X-rated fun.

Speaking of fun…

"Hey, how much longer are we gonna get away with this?"

Xander just amiably shrugged his shoulders against the bedspread. "There's still videotapes we haven't visited yet, and we can always return to the ones we've been in before—"

Faith interrupted him, "Not that! What I meant was, when's either B or Little D gonna give up to come right out and ask if we're bumpin' uglies for sure?"

Twisting his head around to grin towards where Faith was smirking back at him, Xander chuckled, "Yeah, both of them looked like they were dying to know the last couple times I've met them here but still managed to hold it in, somehow."

His face turning more serious, Xander went on thoughtfully, "Though, I have to say, it shows a new level of maturity for the Summers sisters that they should be rightfully proud of, proof they're adults now and respect the privacy of their co-workers."

Beat.

Faith and Xander then simultaneously guffawed at the top of their lungs, continuing to laugh hard enough to start shaking the bed under themselves.

When the pair finally quieted down save for the occasional shared giggle, Faith had to point out, all while wiping away a tear of mirth, "Nah, what I'm thinkin' is, it wasn't the right time yet for that to happen."

Xander raised an intrigued eyebrow to encourage Faith to continue. She gladly did so, explaining, "There's gotta be some sorta, I don't know, starched-stiff situation, like say…the Queen visitin' and in the middle of that, a totally blitzed Buffy or Dawn — better still, both of 'em — staggers in and points at us, yellin' 'THOSE TWO ARE GETTIN' IT ON! HUMPIN', SCREWIN', LAYIN' SOME PIPE, MUNCHIN' ON THE RUG, YODELIN' IN THE MIGHTY CANYON OF LOVE! AN' THEY WON'T SAY THEY ARE, THOSE BIG MEANIES!'"

At that point, Xander was chortling again, to Faith's great satisfaction. Watching how he was so enjoying himself on the bed, a sudden rush of dark memories overwhelmed Faith's happiness, leading her to blurt out, "I'm sorry."

"What?" came from a confused Xander, pausing in his laughter at how quickly Faith's mood had changed, with this young woman now miserably avoiding his eye.

Swallowing, Faith nodded at where they were laying.

"Last time we were on a bed, I tried to kill you."

"Oh," Xander blinked, remembering the horrible events in Sunnydale after the death of Deputy Mayor Finch when he'd gone to see Faith in her sleazy hotel room and it wound up with her choking him nearly to death. Coming back in his thoughts to the here and now, Xander noticed how doleful Faith remained, clearly expecting again the rejection she'd gotten from the Scooby Gang that made her turn to Mayor Wilkins for sanctuary.

Instead, Xander reached out with a hand and gently patted Faith's thigh several times to get her attention, accompanied by him telling her, "I forgive you."

She stared at Xan, struggling to contain her sniffles at this unexpected act of mercy. Courteously letting Faith get herself under control, Xander rolled over to study the newest display case on his wall having within it the iconic fur bikini worn by Raquel Welch as her cavewoman character of Loana in the 1966 movie _One Million Years B.C._

Xander's remaining eye widened in abrupt surprise at what he'd just realized. Flipping over onto his front upon the mattress, he declared towards a startled Faith, "So _that's_ what was in the mysterious crate delivered to your apartment yesterday! Where'd you put it?"

A tentative grin beginning to appear on her face, Faith jerked a thumb upwards at the rear wall. "Over my own bed, natch."

Shaking his head in admiration, Xander pressed her, "But where the hell did you find a taxidermist who could mount a Ceratosaurus's freshly decapitated head and not tell the whole world about it?"

Faith's smirk was back to normal when she informed Xan about the ferocious dinosaur taken down single-handed by her in that dumb movie, "Oh, I already knew a reliable good-guy demon who had the skills for the job. The strange thing was, after I paid him, he said that lizard looked just like his mother-in-law, only with a nicer smile."


	5. Chapter 5

"Yer really fuckin' serious, ain't ya?"

That disbelieving remark was accompanied by Faith's most irascible glower towards the videotape held up by a grinning Xander, who just cajoled her, "Hey, c'mon! You can't say it isn't the perfect movie for today! Besides, it'll kill a couple hours before dinnertime."

About to open her mouth to pour further scorn upon Xan's dumbest idea since the glow-in-the-dark fake eye affair, Faith hesitated. And as the saying goes, she was then lost.

The fact was, her and him, they were now pretty much at loose ends on this Christmas day. Oh, sure, they'd gotten their holiday presents from the other Scoobies this morning and handed out their own in turn but nothing else was on the schedule except for everybody to wait around for the New Council's castle kitchen staff to provide the planned feast for those staying at the Scotland headquarters.

Word was, it was gonna be epic.

Probably because of the _previous_ festival banquet in the castle only a month before, which didn't exactly go as planned. To be fair, the kitchen staff was already familiar with Slayer appetites and had laid out what they thought was more than sufficient food for the first Thanksgiving celebrated in their headquarters by the New Council.

Unfortunately, those hard-working Scots in white poofy hats failed to realize that for their American guests, the true purpose of Thanksgiving dinner was to be at the end of this in a cranberry-flavored digestive coma.

Watching the legends of Sunnydale one and all in the banquet room devour numerous helpings of turkey and mashed potatoes in such a manner to make a great white shark feeding frenzy upon some floating hundred-ton blue whale corpse seem positively genteel, the other Slayers joined in with matching gusto.

It all wound up by the evening's end with the castle's master chef nearly in tears confessing to an exasperated Rupert Giles at the head table that they'd completely run out of food in the kitchen.

To make matters even worse then, that despairing news made Faith leaning back in her chair, boots plunked onto the tablecloth, and picking her teeth with a knife instantly spring up in a single bound upon the table itself, and proclaim in her loudest tone to the rest of these female warriors gazing at their Slayer leader, "PIZZA RUN! WHO'S WITH ME?!"

The resulting stampede of young women out of the banquet room had the master chef stomping back to the kitchen in a distinct huff, vowing the next time would damned well be different.

In Xander's apartment, Faith unconsciously licked her lips, remembering all the truckloads of delicious foodstuffs which had been delivered to the castle the entire week prior to Christmas. Yeah, no way was she gonna miss that. A glance at her wristwatch satisfied Faith that there was still plenty of time for them both to pay a quick visit into the magical videotape Xan was already putting into the enchanted VCR.

Even if they weren't gonna fool around with anyone in there, there was lots of other chances to work up an appetite during their short stay in what was known as one of the worst films ever made, the 1964 science fiction comedy stinker known as _Santa Claus Conquers the Martians._

Eighty-one minutes later, Faith and Xander appeared back in his living room out of the obsolete floor-mounted television set, standing together and arms comradely laid over the others' shoulder, laughing at the tops of their lungs. It'd been one hell of a fun trip into the movie, each of them in full-snark mode during it concerning all the idiotic scenes they'd experienced up close and personal.

Better still, the duo had eagerly sabotaged the film's plot every opportunity they got, making things even more stupidly confusing than before. Those poor Martians, they never stood a chance…

Best of all, Faith managed to beat up a polar bear a mere half-hour into the movie.

"Damn, Boytoy!" Faith uttered through her guffaws. "Yer can sure show a gal a good time!"

Xander gave Faith a quick shoulder hug of appreciation, modestly replying, "It's a gift."

A soft chime sounded in the living room due to Willow's previous tweaking the castle wards to announce by these throughout the whole building any important occurrences about to take place, making Faith and Xander beam at each other.

"The dinner bell!" he gleefully told Faith nodding in her own enthusiastic agreement. They then broke apart, with Xander taking a stride toward his apartment door, about to leave for the banquet room until he was stopped by Faith calling after him.

"Yo, hold up a sec, will ya?"

Turning around to see Faith thoughtfully eyeing the small box resting upon the tv set holding the collection of magical videotapes they'd been dropping in on the last couple of weeks, Xander waited for the Slayer to speak again. It wasn't quite what he was expecting.

"Haveta say, when we first started this, I checked out all of those tapes, just to see what was what…an' I'm pretty sure there _wasn't_ that dumbass film anywhere in the box."

Xander looked startled, and then this quickly changed into an introspective frown. Obviously, he was also running through his head a list of the magical videotapes Xander had unknowingly bought from a mystical practioner who for his own reasons had created one of the most unusual examples of supernatural charms the pair of Scoobies had ever run across.

Soon enough, Xander had to admit a bit wonderingly, "I think you're right. I don't remember it being in there, either."

Faith sent a pensively raised eyebrow towards Xander. "But ya found it today, without any trouble, right?"

"Uh, yeah."

Performing a tolerant nod, Faith added in her best deadpan voice, "Funny, but when we goofed around in the movie, there _was_ one guy there who didn't seem fazed by us at all…"

Xander stared at the empty videotape package resting atop the VCR that had its contents still inside this machine. A package which, by the by, had on the cover front numerous black and white photos of various scenes and characters from _Santa Claus Conquers the Martians._

This included the main movie character of them all in his robed glory, full white beard and mustache, the fur-lined hat with a bobble, and a supreme jolly expression.

A wide grin of his own now appearing upon his face, Xander then heard from Faith a stern warning, "Just so's ya know, the first time ya come out with 'Ho-ho-ho!" in the next coupla minutes, I'm gonna shove a king-size candy cane up yer nose!"


End file.
